There it is. The question. Did God begrudgingly let me in to “the club” on a technicality? Like, ok, yah I’ll let you into heaven but could you stay toward the back of the room please? In my mind’s eye I had seen him hang his head, ashamed of me, embarrassed by me, disappointed in me. Is it true, then? What about the scriptures in bible, that says we are made new?(2nd Corinthians 5:17) That God doesn’t even remember our sins.(Hebrews 8:12, Isaiah 43:25, Psalm 103:12 and so many more!) What is the truth? Is God disappointed in me?
In the simplest of answers: No.
To be disappointed would call in to question the very essence of His character. Disappointed, as defined by dictionary.com: (1) depressed or discouraged by the failure of one’s hope or expectation, or, (2) obsolete, inadequately appointed; ill-equipped. So you’re trying to tell me the One who called the stars into existence, designed every tree and every animal and every bug, is ill-equipped. Or that there is this crazy idea that His hopes or expectation could fail?? This is the One who designed the ultimate “GOTCHA” moment. Think about it: He sent his son to die for us, meanwhile, satan was thinking he could end it all with Judas’ betrayal, had Jesus murdered, oh but wait: God has the mic drop of all mic drop moments: All in the game plan, satan!! Signed. Sealed. Delivered. AND RISEN.
So why do we believe it, then? Well, think about this: we have our earthly parent/child or grandparent/child relationships that shape the very beginning of our experiences with love. They set the example of what love looks like, feels like and reacts like. TOTALLY forgetting that those relationships are flawed to begin with because, well, news flash: we are imperfect humans! So this template of parental love and acceptance that we create is modelled off of imperfect people-even homes that show amazing amounts of love are still only trying to express what they have been taught, witnessed or heard, but it is not the love that only our perfect God can give us.
If we can start thinking of His love as different of that which we have ever experienced and that grace is more grandiose than we’ve ever imagined, maybe then we can find the place of freedom that God is calling us to.
Psalm 103: 10-12 He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our inequities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear (honor, revere) him; as far as the east is from the west, so far he has removed our transgressions from us.